Me: One iPhone icksten, pleez.

Apple: NO. WE CANNOT FIND YOUR WIRELESS ACCOUNT. YOU ARE DEAD TO US UNLESS YOU WANT TO BUY EXTRA MOVES IN CANDY CRUSH.

Me: Wow. Ok. It’s a corporate wireless account. That’s probably why. If you’ll just sell me the device, I can handle the activation.

Apple: OK. WE WILL CALL YOU BACK IN THREE DAYS. THE DELIVERY OF YOUR NEW PHONE WILL BE IN 2019.

Me: This does not please me.

Apple: YOUR PLEASURE DOES NOT CONCERN US.

Me: I’ll call work.

Work: YOUR PLEASURE DOES NOT CONCERN US, EITHER, AND EVEN THOUGH YOU WANT TO PAY FOR YOUR NEW PHONE YOURSELF, WE DO NOT LIKE THAT EITHER. HR WILL CONTACT YOU ABOUT PLEASURING YOURSELF AT WORK.

Me: I’ll call Verizon.

Verizon: YOU ARE NOT AUTHORIZED FOR US TO PLEASURE YOU. CALL WORK.

Me: My soul has been cast into the abyss. Life is not worth living without the latest Apple products in my life.

Apple: CORRECT. THANK YOU FOR BEING AN APPLE CUSTOMER.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=

That’s only a slight exaggeration.  Here’s what went down.

Husby and I stayed up late — AFTER MIDNIGHT — to pre-order the iPhone X (pronounced “icksten”) on Thursday night. He was able to get in and order his with no problems. I was not.

I would get to the point where it asked me to put in my wireless carrier information and then it would fail, saying it couldn’t find my account.  This was because my phone is on a corporate account. My work pays for my wireless account.

After a little tinkering, I was able to get a reservation for an iPhone X, but it wasn’t pre-ordered yet. I was going to have to go back within 24 hours and complete my pre-order.

After lots of phone calls, I learned several things:

  • The Apple website was not set up to handle pre-orders for corporate wireless accounts.
  • The pre-order window for corporate wireless accounts opens tomorrow, October 30.
  • Verizon will not allow me to make changes to my wireless account, including purchasing new devices, because I am not an authorized to do so.
  • The people who manage our corporate wireless account at work won’t authorize me to make such purchases through Verizon.

Anyway, it was very, VERY frustrating and I called Apple several times on Friday to try to find a way around this because I really want the new iPhone with the fancy camera for when baby girl gets here.

Eventually, I was routed to a guy who was EXTREMELY helpful.  He is going to place my pre-order for me on Monday with the other corporate accounts and have it delivered to me.

I’m a LITTLE concerned because he said I would receive an email from him and it hasn’t come in yet.  He also said I would get an email confirmation when the pre-order is placed on Monday.  So, Imma sit tight for a bit and will probably start blowing people up on Monday after lunch if I haven’t heard anything.

FINGERS CROSSED!