No News Is No News

We heard from the genetics testing lab this morning. They still have not received the cheek swab kit back from our egg donor, which is necessary in order to complete the tests that we want done on our embryos.

This is just the latest in a long string of delays and frustrations we’ve had with our egg donors.  But this feels worse because we can see the light at the end of the tunnel and she’s the only thing standing in our way.

The genetic testing takes about a week and a half.  Our surrogate starts her next cycle in about a week and a half.  The IVF clinic won’t start the surrogate on medication for the embryo transfer until the testing is done. The testing won’t start until the donor returns the cheek swab kit.

Obviously, we’ve followed up with everyone we possibly can to try to get the kit returned, but there’s nothing anyone can realistically do.  But don’t think I haven’t fantasized about hiring a bounty hunter to track her and hold her down while her cheeks get swabbed.

Alas, we’re still waiting.

It looks like maybe the transfer will happen in March now.  Assuming, of course, the egg donor bothers to ever return the cheek swab kit.

So, maybe we’ll have a Christmas baby.

Sooooooo… Yeah.

When I made the decision to start this blog, I thought I would have tons of ideas about things to post. I follow some parenting blogs and they’re full of stuff.  But, honestly, it’s actually pretty tough to think about being a parent when you’re not even imminently going to be a parent.


2017 Madness

WOW. It’s going to be really tough to stay on topic here at this blog.  There are SO many things happening in the world and — like basically everyone on the internet — I have a lot of thoughts and things I want to say.

But I am REALLY going to try to stick to parenting things.  For real.

A New Year, A New Job, A New… Setback

Welp! 2017 is off to a start and, so far, it’s a mixed bag.  It’s mostly good, though.

First, the good news: I started a new job! WOOHOO! And I am loving it.  I’m getting paid more and the benefits are really great.  But the really fun part is the atmosphere of the new company. Everyone is so nice and helpful. Even the desktop services guy was chipper and friendly and eager to help.  He even wanted to do MORE work rather than force me to use a new system. (I like to embrace new technology and change, though, so I insisted that he let me try out the new system before bothering to set me up on the old one.  My boss is great and my teammates are cool.  I’m really excited to get into the thick of things.

And husby has had some huge wins at his job, too.  AND he received a really nice bit of recognition for his accomplishments from the CEO!

Alas, our baby project is facing still more setbacks.  We have embryos at this point, but they have to go through genetic testing before we can arrange for the transfer to the surrogate.  But the genetic testing we want requires cheek swabs from our parents and the egg donor.

So, of course, the egg donor moved and didn’t tell anyone, so she never received her cheek swab kit. And she didn’t mention that for three weeks.  And our parents had some mishaps with their kits, so they have to do over.

At this point, it looks like we’ve missed the window for a February transfer and now we’re looking at March.

It was over a year ago that we started this process.  And there’s a very real chance that it will be another year before Knuckles joins our team of superheroes.

Husby has broken through the frustration and anger at all the miscommunications, errors, mistakes, hassles, and added costs and has resigned himself just keep pushing forward.

I’m still pissed off.


So, week 2 of 2017 needs to be about me adjusting my attitude about all of this

2017: The Year of Drive!

I’m not really one for resolutions.  When I think of resolutions, they always sound like projects.  And I don’t see why you should wait until January 1 to start a project.  If you’ve resolved to resolve to do something, then you’ve actually already resolved to do it, right? So, do it. I know that’s now how people see it, but that’s how my brain works and so I just don’t really get down with resolutions.

Instead of resolutions, I like to set a theme for each year.  The idea behind a theme is really to stimulate particular types of projects and resolutions.  Or maybe a theme is a spark for a particular type of mental activity or an inspiration point.  However you care to think about it, I choose a theme so that as I go through the year, I consider decisions and projects in the light.

My theme for 2016 was Focus.  When I chose that theme, I was feeling fuzzy around the edges, not quite like myself.  I considered “balance” as my theme, but I wanted something more action-oriented and more cerebral.  So, I chose “focus” because focus is mental effort.

2016 was kind of a rough year. A lot of beloved celebrities died. Here in the US, we had a rather emotional presidential election that surprised pretty much everyone including myself.  And on a personal level, lots of things happened that really had me feeling unbalanced in life.

Work was alright.  At the start of the year, I was six months into a new gig and although every business has warts, the warts on this one were growing fast and looming large.  By the end of the year, I was convinced that I should find my next move. More on that in a minute.

From my ranting post, you all know that the babies project has been rough.  The egg donor search by itself took us more than six months.  We kicked this project off in January of last year and we were told that we would probably be pregnant — conservatively — by August.  Instead, we just now have embryos and we’re waiting on the genetic testing now. It will probably be February before the transfer is scheduled, which means April-ish before we’re “really” pregnant. *sigh*

Husby also had a couple of shake-ups at his work.  A dear friend of mine died right before Christmas.  And all this baby stuff is insanely expensive and stressful!  yadda yadda yadda… 2016 was very ugh.

But 2017 is going to be GREAT.

First of all, I have a new job!  I start on January 3.  In fact, I am headed to NYC tomorrow to spend the majority of my first week on the job with my boss there. I really adore this company’s brand (I’m a marketing/advertising tech guy. “Brand” is something we think about.) is one of my favorites.  The pay and benefits are a HUGE step up.  In fact, the medical will help us a bit with the babies project!  I also have a couple of old friends who already work there, so I won’t be a total stranger.  But from a professional perspective, I am really excited about the challenge.  This company has a very different product portfolio focus from the company I left.  I think it makes them uniquely competitive in interesting ways and it will be really fun to sell their product.

Secondly, and certainly not of lesser importance, BABIES.  No, seriously. Unless things go VERY, VERY wrong for us, we are pretty much assured to be pregnant this year with what will be our first child!  MAAAAYBE s/he won’t be here yet, but at the very worst, we will simply be pregnant at this time next year.  Odds are, though, that we will have our little one at this point.  And that is terrifyingly exciting.

The new job is a huge change and will impose some pretty radical changes in my schedule.  The personal work I did in 2016, though, prepared me for many of the new efforts that I will be taking on here in 2017.  In fact, I think I’m almost ideally situated for some significant successes this year. And I am very excited about it!

So, for 2017, I’ve chosen the theme of DRIVE.

Where “Focus” was about finding some inner balance and rediscovering my will to achieve, “Drive” is more about external action.

In choosing “Drive” as my theme, I wanted something very action-oriented, a deliberate contrast to the cerebral orientation of “Focus.” I also think I suffer from a bit of analysis paralysis in addition to some decision fatigue in my daily life.  With “Drive” I hope to do a bit more jumping in head-first.  Rather than trying to find the will to make decisions, lower the cost of decision-making by saying “yes” to more things.

And I want to write more regularly.  I shut down my last blog because I felt like I had said everything I wanted to say.  But I think that was mostly because there was no real focus to that blog.  My topic was “anything that springs to mind.”  This blog is focus primarily on our family-building process and I intend to use that as a point of focus for writing this year.  That’s important because I fully expect we will have a baby this year.


So, I am very excited about 2017.  In pretty much every aspect of life, I think things are going to be really, REALLY good.   You guys.  SO. GOOD.  Come with me. Let’s slay.

Egg Donor Problems


OK. So, I haven’t been good about writing about our actual process, so I’m aware that you’re missing a lot of backstory here. I’ll catch you up at some point.  Here’s the short version:

As of this moment right now, we have a “gestational carrier” lined up and waiting. Our IVF doctor is slaying every day. And by “slaying” I mean “creating new life using frankly AMAZING technology and science.”  And basically everything is ready to go.

Except the eggs.

The first donor we selected failed the medical screening after testing positive for cocaine.

The second donor we selected got pregnant because she apparently didn’t understand that when our IVF doctor removed her NuvaRing that she should not immediately run home and let her husband ejaculate inside of her. (But we’re really happy through gritted teeth for her growing family.)

We thankfully did not pay for any travel for the third donor we selected because it turned out that she couldn’t get enough time off from work for the extraction.

The fourth donor also didn’t even make it to the medical screening because when we inquired about her availability she revealed that she is departing on a spirit quest that will last several months and is not currently available. Not really. She didn’t say that. She said she was “traveling.” I choose to imagine that it means she is practicing her astral projection from a an quonset hut in a commune somewhere in the Berkshires.

So, yeah. Having spent almost six months on a part of this process that is typically estimated to take 60 – 90 days, we’re more than a little frustrated.



The Happiness Project

I’ve been a pretty voracious podcast listener for several years and one of the ‘casts on my list these days is Happier with Gretchen Rubin.  This morning when I hopped into the car to head to the office, a new episode was awaiting me that I thought was really great:

When I was writing my book The Happiness Project, I asked her, “What do you think is the secret of a happy life?” I was surprised by her answer, but as I thought about it, I’ve understood more and more what a good answer it is.

Justice O’Connor’s response was “work worth doing.”  If you take this as a reference to the broad virtue of productivity — which is how I think it is intended — this is a pretty profound statement.

Something to ponder!

Planning to Relate to This

Average Parent Problems

Basically everything on that page, but this one is me right now with a new puppy.